Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Random Rambling

Good morning....

It's actually my birthday today and I only had 4 hours of sleep since my phone won't stop  making noises #LOL and I think it's rude to not answer or reply since they took the time to said happy birthday to me. But since I'm so tired I decided to turn my phone off. Unfortunately I forgot that I set my phone to auto power on at 6 a.m so yeahh... I've been receiving those email, IM, and calls.

So... It's two hours later and I'm still sleepy but can't really sleep again. I've heard it's a bad luck to sleep again in the morning if you've already wake up (forgot where I heard it from though). I made up my mind to really get out of bed and not rolling around in my bed since for some reason it's really cold and rolling in my blanket like a cocoon feels very nice.

I rarely put my thought into a blog or even say what I thought to my friends and family. I'm really introverted person although some people might feel that I'm not. I usually just keep all my feeling bottled up inside and when it burst in just burst real bad. But.... I do make some improvement in the past year, I share more, I said what I want more, I hope I can be less defensive because my defensive mechanism is by making offensive movement and I know that it hurts a lot people and makes me misunderstood.

I mean nobody's perfect right?? And I'm taking baby steps to improve myself and not drown myself in self loathing. Yeahh... I do that a lot.. And now I even blog about it.. But it's better now.. I don't care "too much" of what other people think of me and just wanna keep myself happy. You can't keep restraining yourself because you'll think others will be disappointed in you if you don't be perfect all the time right?? If they care about you they will always be proud no matter what.

Anyway... A lot of things happen to me before my birthday, some good and some bad. The bad thing is my grandfather from my father side pass away this year but I think it will be for the best. It breaks my heart just to see him in his bed like that and I kinda feels guilty not being able to see him more often. But the funny thing that I remember about him is that 2 years ago our family celebrate his 95th!! Birthday, but last year when we celebrate it again the birthday candle is still 95?!?! I mean how old is he anyway?? He said that he doesn't really care and just happy the he can celebrate it with the family. Rest in peace Eyang Kakung.... (I use to call him Eyang Kangkung.. #LOL). The other bad thing is at my grandpa's funeral my stomach feels really hurts and it won't stop even after about a week after that and then I almost past out from the pain. After that I went to the hospital to do urine test and USG, after the USG come out the doctor suspected that I have 2 cystic at my uterus and unidentified liquid in it. Because my family is worried they told me to come back home and do more check up. After that the Obgyn said that he suspected that I have endometriosis and said that it gonna makes me harder to conceive a child. I meann... I'm not married yet and it kinda blows you know...

Right now he prescribed me birth control pills to prevents me from having my period because the only two things that can cure it is by not having your period and by pregnant. Since I'm not married yet the only option of course is taking the birth control pills. But unfortunately I am one of those people who had side effects from taking the pills. I spot all the time since then and it's been 6 month already and it kinda bothers me. Also I have this mood swing all the time... Did it should not happen?? I don't know but I'm still maintaining it though.

Aggghhh enough for the bad stuff. The good stuff is I found some new friends and some real friends that I can open up too. I'm trying to open up myself more and by doing that my friends really do open up to me to and I can feel really close to them and even though I'm having some bad time these good friends can helps me through with it.....

I'm gonna stop typing right now..........

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